You are easily impressed as you first enter the enormous space (about 750 meters) – a rotating sushi bar on the right, a row of exaggeratedly high café tables on the left and as you are drawn further into the dining areas, you pass a boutique of modern kitchy collectables.

Soft candle lighting throughout might have been a nice touch, but the flame on the taper is dead center in the face of your dining partner, so you see only the flame, otherwise you're relegated to shifting your heads back and forth to communicate with one another. I was brash enough to ask them to remove it and replace it with something more practical. I wondered if I was the first to ask.

I loved the stuffy white sofas everywhere, but I worried for Philippe what it would be like to deal with red wine stains. I give them six months before reupholstering. Bon is trying to be all restaurants to all diners. Breakfast, lunch and dinner for singles or couples or groups. Sushi on the revolving bar is replaced by macaroons from Ladurée during the breakfast service (an unimpressive sweet, if you ask me). Eat alone in the first dining room or adjourn to a more intimate space if seducing a lover. Group meeting – have dinner in the video room with state-of-the-art equipment and make your business presentation. Malheureusement, Bon ends up being no restaurant for anyone.

I never could get through reading the entire menu – I imagine 20-year-olds with perfect vision designed it. My middle-aged eyeglasses needed a new prescription after the strain. The choice of "organic-vegetarian" cuisine is varied enough and the approach respectfully innovative, but have you ever read a menu, reread the menu and never found anything that looked appealing? That describes Bon's menu to a tee.

Worse than that, every single dish, and I mean every single dish, was no more tasty or special than any under 100F restaurant I have every tested. There are at least 180 restaurants in my own good-value guide that would compete with Bon and win! At about 350FF per person ($50), you feel absolutely foolish when the check comes.

Fellow diners were an international mix of trend-seekers, not trend-setters. I was ashamed to be among them. Were they having the same bad experience we were? And if you think you haven't heard enough "mal" about Bon, this is just the first of more clones to come – New York, Frankfurt, Madrid, London and Tokyo. Mon Dieu!